Sitting on a bean bag in her balcony, soaking in the winter sunshine while sipping a cup of green tea, Tamanna told me all about her journey to success. Tamanna, which means 'wish', is a well-known name in Surat (Gujarat) today, as she's the most authentic "match-maker" available.
"Authentic match-maker?!" I wondered until I met some of her clients and heard them describe it all. Tamanna's matrimonial match-making company "Rishtaa" (meaning relationship) helps parents find the perfect match for their daughters. Yes, the match-making service is available ONLY for women. Strange!
Peeping at her LinkedIn profile, I observed that Tamanna was a topper at University of Delhi and has an MBA from the prestigious IIM Ahmedabad to her credit. Then how did she end up doing match-making in Surat?! More importantly, why?
Asking her all these questions, the first response that I got was a smile. And then, she opened up.
Tamanna was born in a middle-class conservative Punjabi family in Delhi. Brought up in the central Delhi area of Inderpuri, she was an average student and the aim of her life, and of everyone associated with her, was to get her married to her prince charming one day.
As it is with middle-class conservative families, people around her were obsessed about how she looked & cooked, more than how she studied, as that would affect the kind of 'rishtaa' she would get. The prettier she is, the easier it'll be for her parents to find her a groom. As a result of this thought process, Tamanna was being groomed since her teenage. She was a pro in the kitchen and was regular with all the gossiping that generally house-wives do. In one line, she was brought up in such a manner that she was prepared for a future revolving around her marriage, and she was totally cool with it.
When Tamanna's friends at school mocked her for not studying and for being a brat, for the first time in her life, she took things to her ego and ensured that she studied well in her Grade 12 exams so that she could get admission in a "good college" at University of Delhi.
"Thank God those girls at school almost bullied me for I wouldn't have been here today," she smiles in reminiscence.
With immense pride, she enrolled herself into the Economics Honors course at Delhi University's Hindu College in 2004. So overwhelmed was she of her achievements, and so pleasantly shocked was her family, that after the enrollment everyone decided to give studies a break and shift their focus back to Tamanna's grooming.
"And then the hunt began," she said quietly. Her voice suddenly turned matter-of-factly so that she could hide all the emotions behind the story.
At an age of 19, when students generally wonder what to do in their career or discuss issues with their boyfriends/girlfriends, Tamanna was skimming through photographs of prospective grooms.
"What about your studies?" I asked.
"The fact that I was studying in Hindu College was more than enough for my family. They were completely OK if I didn't study at all," she said.
Surprised, I asked, "What about your friends? Didn't anyone ever encourage you to focus on your studies?"
"Nope. You see, I never had the 'focus on studies' kind of environment around me. For everyone, life was just like a Bollywood movie - nice and happy. Everyone stayed in their own world and no one ever thought of giving life a thought," Tamanna said.
"What then?" I asked.
She took a sip of her green tea and continued.
One day, her mother came running home beaming with joy. When asked about the reason for her happiness, her mother exclaimed that she had found the perfect rishtaa for her daughter. The boy being talked about (prospective groom) was a Canada based businessman. He was a Punjabi, like Tamanna's family, and was the only child of his parents.
"Punjabis get a high if their daughter gets married to a guy who's the 'only child' as this means that there'll be no debates regarding money/property/ children with any of his siblings. Hence, the daughter would have a 'tension-free' life," Tamanna explains.
Since the guy had given an advertisement in the matrimonial section of the newspaper mentioning that he was in India for only two weeks, Tamanna's mother had taken the initiative of inviting him and his family for dinner that very day. Tamanna's father was miffed about working around at such a short notice but the mother convinced him.
Evening came and the boy entered their household. "He was 24 years old, 6 feet tall, fair and extremely handsome," Tamanna recalled. The prospective groom was well-behaved and touched the feet of Tamanna's parents as a sign of respect, in sync with the Indian culture. "His behavior swept me off my feet," Tamanna said. As all Punjabi parents do, food was piled on the poor guy's plate but he did not complain. He was witty and very quickly became comfortable with Tamanna's family. By the time the dinner was over, everyone in Tamanna's family, barring her father, loved him and wanted to fix the match there and then. Tamanna's father, however, decided to hold on to his horses and take time to know the boy's family, his business and other credentials. He invited the boy, with his family, for lunch the following day.
Next day, the guy was at their doorstep again; this time with his family. By this time, Tamanna's family was relaxed as they knew that things were almost in place. When the parents interacted and got to know more of each other, Tamanna was given whole 30 minutes to spend time with him in private, officially.
"So what did you talk about in that half an hour?" I quizzed.
"Not much. He was so handsome and charming that I barely spoke to him. I was in awe of him and we kept smiling at each other all the time. I was happy because I felt that I had reached my final destination in life," Tamanna said.
After lunch, the guy showed his passport and documents showing the status of his Canadian citizenship to Tamanna's family and even left a copy of those documents with them 'in case they wished to verify'. He gave a day's time to Tamanna's family to think and decide about the rishtaa.
As with the parents of an Indian girl, they thought that verifying these documents "won't look nice" and they refrained from it. In the evening, Tamanna's father called the boy at the hotel he was staying (a 5 star hotel, which made the family hyperventilate) and confirmed the rishtaa.
Next day, the guy and his family were at Tamanna's house again. All of Tamanna's friends and relatives were invited for the 'roka', a Punjabi ceremony whereby everyone is introduced to the new member of the family and the matrimonial alliance is fixed.
"Three days later, I got married at the Arya Samaj temple and was off for honeymoon in Manali the following day," Tamanna told me.
My mouth fell open. I was amazed at the lightening fast speed with which the events unfolded. I was bewildered at how the alliance was fixed. I wondered what would've been Tamanna's state of mind then. And more than anything else, I was still puzzled because I didn't understand what was she doing in Surat, when she should've been (as per her story) in Canada.
Tamanna continued, "Ten days after I had met this guy for the first time, I was married to him and we were even done with our honeymoon. Back from Manali, he dropped me at my parents place for a day so that I could collect all my documents for my visa to Canada. In the mean time, he said that he'll arrange the appointment and will pick me up in the evening.
But he never came!" she said quietly.
She continued, "My father called at the hotel and was informed that he had checked out four days ago. Since cellphones were not that common that time, we couldn't reach him anywhere. The numbers of so-called relatives that we were given were fake. His parents had left for Canada, the day we left for our honeymoon. My father tried calling them in Canada to inquire about their son but those numbers too turned out to be fake."
The family was shattered. Initially, they thought that their son-in-law was in trouble but when the Canada numbers turned out to be fake, Tamanna's father trembled with rage. Tamanna continued, "I still remember that day. The photographer in the neighbourhood had delivered my wedding pictures on the day of my arrival from honeymoon. During evening tea, my mother and I were merrily looking at those pictures and were shortlisting the ones that I would take to Canada with me. Of them, there was a picture of Jeet, my husband, that we decided to get framed. My father picked up that photograph and ran to the police station. Initially, he thought that he would file a missing complaint. But when on reaching the police station, he was told that all the documents whose copies Jeet had left with us were fake, he filed a case of fraud against Jeet along with a missing complaint."
The family didn't sleep that night. After a lengthy discussion with the cops, the family realized that they had been conned and that this was a serious case of fraud. When Tamanna's father expressed his concern about Tamanna's future, the cops declared that since the marriage was not legally registered, Tamanna was not legally married to Jeet, who she claimed to be her husband. Hence, the question of a divorce or annulment of marriage did not arise. Hence, legally, Tamanna was still single and unmarried.
However, as per the Indian customs and rituals, Tamanna was married. Also, Tamanna had lost her "virginity" and this meant that she would be considered as "impure" by everyone. (In the Indian society, virginity is over-rated.) Tamanna's mother cried non-stop for her daughter wondering who would marry her next.
At that point of time, Tamanna had two questions in her mind - Why? Why her? She didn't cry that night and not for the days that followed. Everyone around her pitied her, sympathized with her and asked her all kinds of questions. She was totally lost because her support system, her family, had collapsed. For the next three days, neither did she eat, nor did she sleep. On the fourth day, she became unconscious due to weakness. After some glucose, she was given medicines to make her sleep.
"And when I woke up," Tamanna said, "it was a new morning. I shut myself in my room and thought about myself. I was 20; I was studying but not studying; I was married but not married. I realized that I was living a life which was a combination of opposites or rather, a life that had nothing. And then I tried to look at the whole scenario rationally so that I could first, answer my two questions and later, answer the question that was on my family's mind - What next?"
In silence and peace, Tamanna realized that Jeet had not vanished due to a tragedy. Instead, he was gone because that was a part of his plan. Why did he do all this? What did he want? Just to sleep with a 20 year old innocent girl?! No! In the entire episode of Tamanna's marriage, he didn't just get all the love & blessings from Tamanna's family, but he also got all the gold and money that Tamanna's family gave him. Her family had given their entire life's savings to this man. To add to that, they had even given him their daughter. Disgust for Jeet grew in Tamanna's heart.
Next question, "Why Tamanna?"
While answering this question, another question popped up in Tamanna's mind - Was it only her? Was it the first time that this man had duped a family using a matrimonial alliance? Clearly, the answer was "No". If a man could con her family with ultimate ease, this would've definitely not been the first time this would've happened. And then Tamanna sat down to wonder how many other girls would've undergone the suffering that she was facing right now. She shuddered at the thought of being able to perform such an action regularly in one's life and destroy the lives & emotions of many people only for money. She felt disgusted at the thought of considering innocent girls, like her, as a piece of use and throw trash. And then, to answer her family's question, she decided to not end up marrying some other guy out of "society's pressure". She decided to change everything!
For the first time in those four days, Tamanna sat in the center of her living room and cried her heart out in front of her own family. To every person who tried to pity her, sympathize with her or even console her, she pointed a finger and told them that all that had happened to her was NOT her fault. She felt frustrated at how throughout her entire life, everything revolved around her marriage and she shamelessly vented out all her frustration on each one who tried to sympathize with her.
And then she stopped. In front of everyone, she took off her wedding bangles, wiped off her vermillion (sindoor) and declared herself single again. She wiped her tears and swore that she will show everyone what it means to be Tamanna.
"So what did you do then?" I asked her.
She smiled, "I picked up my bag and went to college to make up for all the classes that I had missed all this while."
"And what did you say to everyone who asked you about your marriage?"
"I laughed on the rumours of my marriage and declared that I was on leave due to typhoid. You see, I wasn't married legally," she winked. "For the rest of my academic year, I studied my ass off. As a result, I ended up topping the entire university. Though my younger brother was glad that I had moved on in my life, my parents were still iffy about my future. Though I didn't blame them for all the mess but I did maintain that had they been more practical and not thought of 'log kya kahenge' and 'achha nahin lagta' ('what will people say' and 'doesn't look nice'), my life would've been different. But on a reflective note, I was happy that I had learnt the lesson of my life albeit the hard way. I had stepped out of that cocoon, become practical and ferociously serious about my education in my opinion, that was the only way I could break free from the shackles of my society."
After successfully completing her bachelor's in economics, Tamanna went on to do her MBA from IIM Ahmedabad with a full scholarship. Thereafter, she started with 'Rishtaa' in Surat. Listening to her story, I understood that since 'Rishtaa' was a word that was constantly used around her, she chose that name for her company. 'Rishtaa' targets middle-class families looking for appropriate grooms for their daughters. The USP of 'Rishtaa' is that for each bachelor in their database, the team at 'Rishtaa' performs a background check and presents only the verified information to the families interested in an alliance for their daughter. With the details of the background check, including medical check-ups checking for HIV and STDs, and a check of astrological details, parents are able to trust 'Rishtaa'. By word of mouth, the popularity of 'Rishtaa' spread and in a span of four years, 'Rishtaa' has become a brand name in Surat. Taking a step back, I realized how the strategy of 'Rishtaa' completely fits the picture of Tamanna's life and why she chose to set up 'Rishtaa' started making sense to me.
"But why Surat? Why not Delhi? Why not your own neighbourhood?" I wondered.
"I had to start somewhere! When I entered Gujarat six years ago (in 2007), I was glad that I was away from Delhi, the place that houses my family and all the other relatives. I was happy that I was free and was in my own space. In two years, during my MBA, I settled down in the atmosphere in Gujarat and hence, decided to start it all here. My best friend at IIM was from Surat and she always used to talk about this city. So one day, I just packed my bags and came here," she chirps.
"Didn't you face any problems while setting up 'Rishtaa'?" I asked.
"Don't ask about problems. In a male-dominated society, the whole idea of preparing a file for each groom and getting a background check for marriage sounded horrendous to people. People thought that I had gone mad and treated me like an outcast. I kept mum because I knew what I wanted to do and was focused to make the change. Every time I felt low, I thought of all the other girls, like me, who Jeet had cheated and then I would stand up with a determination which was firmer than earlier. After successfully arranging about ten alliances, people started opening up to the concept of 'Rishtaa'. Getting a good rishtaa for their daughter is the tamanna of every family. As I had anticipated, families of daughters queued up but there were no grooms who were interested in giving their details to 'Rishtaa'. For the interim, 'Rishtaa' ended up being a background check center. People would hear about all kind of alliances and would come to us to get a check on the groom done, for their satisfaction. Since no work is big or small, our team gladly accepted those offers. As our credibility grew, our database started growing as demand created its own supply."
Smiling at the success of Rishtaa and admiring Tamanna for her focus, I'm reminded of a question of hers that she didn't answer in her entire story. "You had often wondered, 'why me'? What answer did you get of that?" I asked her.
"I'm glad you asked me that," she said while looking out towards the horizon, "Had it not happened to me, 'Rishtaa' wouldn't have been born. And now, with 'Rishtaa', there will never be another Tamanna in this country."
